Johnsonville Brats

"Hey, Mick, are Johnsonville Brats on sale this week?"

"I was in some serious danger for a while, but it turns out that Johnsonville brats are not on sale."

Carpentry Skills

"Hey, Mick, where can I pick up some rudimentary carpentry skills?"



























"I just finished a manuscript called "Rudimentary Carpentry Skills". I'll make a copy for you."

Frostbite

"Hey, Mick, are you recovering from your recent bout with frostbite?"

"I was in some serious danger for a while, but it turns out that my extremities and I will be fine."

Cactus Care

"Hey, Mick, how often should I water my cactus collection?"





















"To answer that question, you should probably seek the advice of a licensed cactologist."

Raspberries

"Hey, Mick, what am I supposed to do with fifteen pounds of raspberries?"

"I suggest eating some now and freezing the rest to eat at a later date."

Central Greenland

"Hey, Mick, are you interested in a trip to Greenland?"






















"If you're talking about the trip to Central Greenland with renowned archaeologist Dr. Slojak-Pittman, then count me in."

pH Levels

"Hey, Mick, are you as concerned about pH levels as I am?"
























"Yes, which is why I have purchased several boxes of litmus paper."

Garlic Press

"Hey, Mick, where is my garlic press?"






















"Did I forget to give it back to you? I'll bring it around when I return your chainsaw."

Pest Problems

"Hey, Mick, are your pest problems as bad as mine?"





















"If anything they are worse."

How to Get Rid of Aphids

"Hey, Mick, how can I get rid of aphids?"


























"I wish I knew. I'm dealing with an infestation myself."

Symptoms of an Ulcer

"Hey, Mick, do you think I might have an ulcer?"
























"You'd have to describe your symptoms, and then I would have to consult some old medical textbooks I found in my attic."

Power-Washing Equipment

"Hey, Mick, where can I get my hands on some power-washing equipment?"




















"I just happen to have access to a warehouse of power-washing equipment."

The Most Effective Mouthwash

“Hey, Mick, what is the most effective mouthwash?”

“Any kind that kills the bacteria that causes bad breath, plaque, and gum disease.”

Fountain Pen Ink

“Hey, Mick, where can I find a good deal on ink for my fountain pen?”



















“A good deal? Not likely with so many price gougers around.”

Jazz Piano

“Hey, Mick, I need someone who can play jazz piano, stat.”

“The only person I can think of is Joey Harrington, backup quarterback of the New Orleans Saints.”

Bad Omens

“Hey, Mick, a crow has been outside my window for the last three and half hours. Is that a bad omen?”

“There are no such things as omens.”

Commodities Market

"Hey, Mick, are you sad that you lost all that money in the commodities market."

"No. I accept that those kinds of things happen."

Eliminating Soap Scum

"Hey, Mick, how can I eliminate soap scum?"

"I just don't know the answer to that."

Treatment for Wrinkles

"Hey, Mick, what kind of brand name face creams do you use to keep wrinkles away?"

"Wait a second! If you think you're going to get me to do an internet endorsement, you've got another thing coming."

Business Ventures

"Hey, Mick, where can we find some start-up capital?"











"Since we've declared bankrupcy five times, finding a lender might be difficult. In the meantime, I'll check under the seats in my car."

Boris Pasternak

"Hey, Mick, I ran into Boris Pasternak at the post office."




















"That guy owes me five bucks."

Joey Harrington Fan Club

"Hey, Mick, do you want to join my Joey Harrington Fan Club?"



















"I have my own Joey Harrington Fan Club. Maybe we should combine operations?"

Best NFL Quarterback

"Hey, Mick, in your opinion, who is the best quarterback in the NFL?"



















"I can say with total confidence that I think the best quarterback in the NFL is definitely Joey Harrington of the Atlanta Falcons."

1000 Prunes

"Hey, Mick, I am going to eat 1000 prunes."




















"As a medical professional, I would recommend a more moderate intake."
















"I think we should listen to Dr. Coffee Grinder."

Fake Tucci Products

"Hey, Mick, you know that you've got to be careful when buying Tucci products? There are a lot of fakes on the market that unscrupulous sellers will try to pass off as genuine Tuccis?

















"You're right on that point. Fake Tucci products are everywhere, but there's nothing like the real thing."